A True Story of a Chinese-Japanese Interracial relationship
There are many things we realised we have taken for granted after this Covid-19 pandemic hit almost every country in this world. For instance, our freedom to go wherever we want every day. Never did it occur to us that this is an extremely underrated privilege.
Light Amid The Darkness
Despite this pandemic, I believe that one of the many silver linings is able to spend more quality time with our loved ones during this period. Be it catching up on zoom, facetiming, picking up a hobby/skill — let’s all find gratitude among these dark times and never take simple pleasures for granted anymore.
Dive on into a Chinese-Japanese interracial relationship with me - where they find themselves indulging in reminiscence with my #16questions.
Through this love - we learnt that love holds no boundaries and the celebration of the human heart should be captured with richness, colour and dimension.
A little introduction about yourself and your husband
My name is Jiajia. I am 30 this year and I come from Henan, China. My husband’s name is Nagao. He is 37 this year and he comes from Niigata, Japan.
When and how did you guys meet?
It was almost 12 am, greeting Christmas eve in 2012. I was having my second round of drinks, while my husband is having his third round at the same Christmas party organised by a bar. We got to speak to each other that night through a common friend between us!
Would you guys say it was love at first sight?
It was definitely not haha! Because that night the both of us were too drunk to even transmit love signals or flirtatious gestures and my husband just knocked out completely after a few more glasses of whiskey….I don’t want to say this but his first impression to me was “weak.” Haha!
Since it was not love at first sight, then how did things lead to a romantic relationship between the two of you?
The truth is after he knocked out, he actually woke up for a while and started singing “Won’t go home without you” by Maroon 5. That got me laughing, and in his drunk words and actions, he took down my number. The next day I travelled to New Zealand and we didn’t text each other at all. It was only until New Year’s Eve when I sent him some fireworks footage, he replied with "Happy New Year” and that’s when we started chatting. He started asking me out when I returned back to Singapore and during a dinner date at a shabu-shabu restaurant, we just started talking about getting into a relationship together.
What was the reason your husband decided to propose to you? And what was the deciding factor for you to agree on marrying your husband?
Don’t be prepared for something romantic, because my proposal story is totally not haha!
It just came very naturally since at that time we have moved together for 1 and a half years. We were serious about our relationship all the while and wanted to bring things further. We also sometimes do have small talks about marriage. We did not see any downsides of committing to marriage together since we have already been so comfortable with each other’s presence.
Just one fine day, he proposed by getting down on one knee, but without any ring or flowers haha!
I am actually a person who does not plan ahead and I simply just lives in the present. I had never planned when/how/where I should get married as marriage to me is always something related to “letting nature takes its course.” Hence one of the biggest factors that made me agree to marry my husband is that I wanted to quit my then-current job someday. I knew that with him, I would be able to because he would just let me do whatever I want. So I can take up part-time jobs or even alternate to being a full-time housewife as long as I want to!
What is the major difference between your dating and married life?
To me there weren’t any much difference other than the fact that I have started to think about things on the basis of “us” instead of just “me” in the past. For example in the past, when we were dating, i would be extremely happy when he brings me to fancy restaurants and buy me expensive gifts. But after we are married, I would always think twice if he suggests a fancy restaurant date because every time I see the bill, my heart would ache. Even when he buys me flowers, i would feel like it is such a waste because flowers would wither in few days and i had to constantly change the water.
For my husband, he also feels that there isn’t much difference other than the fact that now he has a companion for many activities (for example, he would take his dump in the toilet while i brush my teeth). And even when he farts, nobody cares haha!
Were there any barriers back then when you just got together? If there is, back then did it come in between your relationship and make you two feel like giving up on each other?
If I were to say there weren’t any barriers, it is definitely a lie. The biggest problems/barriers between us back then were language and culture barriers. But to both of us, we did not regard this as a huge problem or a hindrance to our relationship. We actually see it as a great motivation. In fact, those barriers are quite interesting and fun sometimes, filling our relationship with lots of laughter.
We are from completely different countries, backgrounds, and cultures. But we are both very accepting of each other’s differences, especially our cultural differences. We never once judged each other but instead we understand, accept, and adapt to the cultural differences. But of course, we do quarrel just like how normal couples do.
Nagao: When we were dating, I was always late for our dates because of my work. At that time, Jiajia did not understand this aspect.
Jiajia: There were many times we are quarrelling over drinking matters and issues. There was once when we quarrelled at a restaurant in Japan when he was drunk. I got so mad and left the restaurant first. After a while, I realised that I did not have the card to my hotel room, wallet, and my phone. So I just sat and wait outside the hotel. What’s worst was when I didn’t realise him walking back to the hotel. So to cut the story short, he actually got back to the hotel and fell asleep like a log. I knocked on the room door so many times but to no answer. So I sat on the bench outside the hotel for the entire night and it was winter at that time, so I was freezing my ass off.
Will you migrate to Japan in the future?
Nagao actually wants to go back for good in the future, but as for me, I have never lived in Japan before other than the times I was there for traveling or visiting purposes. I feel that it would be better if we could live in both Japan and Singapore.
Did you learn the Japanese language for your husband? Was it difficult?
Yes, my husband is the reason why I started learning the Japanese language. But he isn’t entirely the reason why. I already had an interest in it and wanted to learn Japanese for conversational purposes with him and his friends. I also wanted to experience working in a Japanese firm, and since I had the time and freedom to do so, I thought to myself why not. Since like I said, Nagao always tells me to do what makes me happy.
I went to a Japanese language school once a week for a few years. I stopped attending the school after achieving JLPT N2. I’m still learning the language every day with my husband though haha!
It wasn’t an easy journey, and I remember being very shy to speak the language in front of other Japanese. But after some time, I realise that if I continue this way, I would never pick up the language fully. Hence I decided to muster my courage to start conversing in it, even if they weren’t grammatically correct. After starting to communicate with Japanese more often, I noticed a great improvement in myself! I think the most difficult part about learning the Japanese language at my age was the vocabulary and grammar.
What is something you have forsaken/always accommodate for your relationship?
Nagao: In the past, it was always just about me. Now it is about Us.
Jiajia: I think I have improved a lot in terms of my meal timings haha! I used to have irregular meals. But because of my husband, I now have regular meals even when I’m not hungry because time spent with him is very hard to come by.
What is the most memorable part of Japan you have been to?
I can’t choose one because there are too many! But what I love about trips with my husband is we always do it in freestyle. We would drive aimlessly and stay wherever we stopped over. I remember during Autumn in 2019, we visited the Tohuku area and even met with a typhoon in Iwate. We didn’t book a hotel for that night and couldn’t continue driving as it was very dangerous. So that night we just slept in our car. Luckily enough, we always have blankets and pillows in our cars during road trips, so it was still very comfortable. Before that, we even visited the nearest convenience store and bought some food and drinks and just chatted and drank in the car together. It was one of my favourite trips with my husband!
Did you see yourself marrying a Japanese before meeting your husband?
No. As I said, I did not even imagine or see myself getting married. Though I have to say, I am really lucky to have married a great man!
Tell us one funny Japanese phrase!
庭には二羽ニワトリがいる (Niwa niha niwa niwatori ga iru). This means there are two chickens in the garden. This phrase is funny to me because it sounds like a tongue twister haha!
Tell us one myth/misconception people think about Japanese that was proven wrong after you got to know your husband? (Eg. Some people say that Japanese men are very opinionated)
Chinese use to think Japanese men are male chauvinist and highly opinionated. But to me, I feel that this applies more to the older times or older generations. It is not that case for most Japanese now. My husband respects me a lot and discusses with me regarding many matters before making a decision. When we have conflicting opinions, he would listen and talks it out. I know of many other Japanese husbands who are the same as well!
Name one biggest strength you think an interracial relationship (Chinese-Japanese) has?
You will understand the 2 cultures on a more profound level. More than the knowledge and information you can get just living in the country alone or reading it off online. What I like most about a Chinese-Japanese interracial relationship is we still get to spend the new year with each of our families, because the Japanese new year is on the 1st day of a new year and the Chinese new year follows the lunar calendar haha! I know of couples who can only decide either the husband's or wife's family to visit during the new year.
Your relationship advice for any other people with an interracial relationship.
Feelings and the fire in your hearts will all subside or disappear one day. It is not realistic to think that Love will overcome everything. Love to me is all about the effort, for example for the both of us - constantly accepting each other differences and viewing our differences positively. And the Chinese always like to say that wives ought to be stupid sometimes for a marriage to last haha!
To me, my relationship with my husband actually gets better, stronger, and more interesting after marriage. Don’t listen to what others have to say, trust your own heart. Look, I am contented and extremely blessed!
